Morning Service, 15 Mar 2009
Last week we saw that in relationships within the church it is essential that we “Bear with one another” (Eph 4:2) – that is, we are to take account of our diversity, the reality of human frailty, the liberty God has given us within the boundaries of His commandments, as well as the need to validate the authenticity of our understandings. The other side of that of course is that we must also labour to be more bearable to our brethren!
However, not all tensions within the church fellowship can be or ought to be responded to in this way. There are times when the real issue is sin – including those times when we failed to forbear, but found ourselves responding sinfully.
If we are to live together to the glory of God we need to be able to exercise biblical forgiveness. From the outset we need to see that this cannot be treated as a theoretical exercise, nor is it one in which we are left to make up the rules, guidelines. No – everything we say needs to be governed by the phrase: “just as God in Christ also forgave you”. This is our motivation and framework for action.
1. …the problem
If we are Christians it means that we are a people whom “God in Christ … forgave”. If you have not faced your sin before a holy God and found the only relief in the life and death of Jesus then you are not a Christian. But if you are a Christian you know what forgiveness is about – how essential and wonderful it is. You also know that you still need God’s forgiveness on a daily basis.
But it also means that sin will have a continuing influence in your relationship with others. If God has to daily face this problem, what makes us think we won’t? If we are to “be forgiving” it means we will be sinned against, and that others will at times find us sinning against them.
Now I don’t like a lot of rides at the amusement parks, etc, but I do like dodgem cars –dodging in and out of cars, trying to avoid collisions, getting ahead. But inevitably someone gets in the way and I find myself ‘just having’ to bump them! Usually the steering is not quite what I would like, nor is my reaction space. At times I’m taken by surprise as others crash into me – even if I see it coming I’m not always able to get out of the way. Now all that has an element of fun about it, and generally it is harmless. But the fact is that there is no fun when it happens for real on the road.
There is even less within the church. We are forgiven by God, yet we still collide with one another; we go in the wrong direction and we hit each others bumpers, etc, and even perhaps have a head-on collision with one another now and then. The result is that we need to stop, and get out of our cars and exchange details and try and sort out the problem.
It is important that you and I realise that we will be called upon to forgive other believers who have sinned against us. It is also important to realise that we will find ourselves in that position of asking for their forgiveness. That’s what makes this issue so vital. If there was no sin there would be no need of forgiveness, but because sin is a reality within believers then there will be the regular need of forgiveness between us and within the church, and we must give a priority to it.
2. …the promise
Forgiveness has been described as ‘Giving up the right to hurt you for hurting me’. There is some truth to that, but it fails to get to the heart of forgiveness which is a positive thing. It is not just what I won’t do, it is what I will do. What is that?
Well, what does God do when He forgives? The answer is given simply in Jer 31:34 – “I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” That’s a promise! Forgiveness is essentially a promise. We see also what He promises: “their sin I will remember no more”. This is what God does when He forgives us: He promises not to remember our sin anymore. Notice God does not say He will forget our sins – He cannot. He knows everything. Rather He promises to not remember our sins. He will not remember them against us; keep them before us; deal with present sins on the basis of our previous record. Once He has forgiven us it no longer is on the record. What a glorious promise this is! See Ps 103:12 (put away as far as east is from west); Micah 7:19 (cast into the depths of the sea).
When you forgive someone you are making such a promise to them.
But what a promise! I will not remember these sins you’ve done against me anymore. I will not throw them in your face. I will not treat you on the basis of them. I will not use them against you. I will not dwell on what you did in my private thoughts, stewing over them and getting embittered. I will not speak of them to others to poison their thoughts of you. As far as we are concerned it is as if they never existed. Anything less then according to the Bible you haven’t forgiven them. The only exception being: unless it would be absolutely necessary for your good (but even then not shoving it in their face or seeking their harm, but graciously motivating or helping them to address underlying issues or its consequences. Here we see that forgiving is not forgetting, but it will lead to forgetting.
Here is the vital difference between accepting an apology and forgiveness. Jay Adams wrote: ‘There is nothing about an apology in the Bible … the world’s substitute for forgiveness and it doesn’t achieve the same end.’
Think about it. The word ‘apology’ originally means ‘to make a defence’ – ie., of my action. Now someone comes to you and says, ‘I am sorry I did…’ Where does that leave you? They’ve talked about their feelings, but what can you do with that? There is no confession. No promises of changed behaviour. Nothing is settled from your side. In fact when you think about it, they have not really been all that concerned about you at all, but about how bad they feel.
But when someone comes and says “Forgive me for…’ then you have to make a decision. When you say ‘Yes I will’ then a promise has been made. Something has been settled, and now you can move on together.
3. …the pursuit
What do you do when a brother/ sister has sinned against you? Do you feel sorry for yourself? Do you phone others and hold a pity-party? Do you go to the prayer meeting or to an elder and say ‘I want you to pray for so and so because he is getting out of hand’ – in effect gossiping about what he or she did to you?
What did God do? Of God the Father we read in Romans 5 “when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly” (v.6), and “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (v.8). God took the initiative to establish forgiveness.
Jesus, God the Son, at the cross said, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). Notice how this was said in the context where Jesus was providing the basis on which God could bring forgiveness to them. In effect this is a short-hand prayer, by which Jesus was asking God to bring them to where He could forgive them. And that was a prayer God answered as we read in Acts.
God the Holy Spirit convinces of sin (John 16:8,9). He brings about the new birth (John 3:8) by which people are brought to repentance and faith. It is He who exercises the sanctifying influence that turns believers from sin, and lead us in God’s paths (I Cor 6:9-10 – “such were” cf Eph 4:17ff; Ezek 36:27 – “I will put my Spirit in you and cause you to walk in my statutes”).
In other words this is exactly what God has been and is doing in this world: He pursues forgiveness. Now “just as God in Christ also forgave you”, we too are to pursue forgiveness. So Stephen prays as he dies ‘Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin”’ (Acts 7:60). Likewise Paul in 2 Tim 4:16 declares, “At my first defence no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them.”
We are to pray for their forgiveness, to pursue it prayerfully before God who works in people’s hearts. But we are also to pursue it personally. Luke 17:3-4 (cf Matt 18) calls us to go to the one who has offended us. Why? To get even with a length of spiritual 4-by-2? No! The whole point is to seek to extend forgiveness and accomplish reconciliation. Often though it is with the “rebuke” that we want or do stop, but Jesus calls us to press on to where we can “forgive”.
This strikes at the very heart of being a Christian. In Matt 6:12 we read: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Then in v.14 Jesus adds: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This is the only petition of the Lord’s Prayer that has an explanation. That has to be significant! Jesus is forcing us to ask whether we love what we ask for. How can we say we are serious about God’s forgiveness if we are not serious about forgiving others? Forgiveness is not merely something we look for and are thankful for when we sin. It is infectious. It is a mark of genuine conversion.
In practice this involves two elements. Firstly there is what has been called Attitudinal Forgiveness. When we have been sinned against we are to develop a forgiving attitude by handing over the matter to God to deal with, trusting in God’s justice and grace. We see this in Mk 11:25, “Whenever you stand praying forgive, if you have anything against anyone…” Note here it is just between you and God. The one who sinned against you is not present nor have you gone to them. You are praying. The result is that you don’t brood over it with resulting anger, bitterness or resentment; but you focus on loving them and finding ways to bring them to forgiveness and reconciliation. We ask God to help to respond with grace, mercy and love, desiring only their good; whilst asking God to work in their heart and bring them to repentance so that we can have a reconciled relationship, using even me in any way to help them.
Then, secondly, there is what might be termed Transactional Forgiveness in which verbal forgiveness is verbally conveyed to others based on verbal acknowledgment of repentance. That’s what we see in Luke 17:3 where we are told than when someone repents we are to forgive them. Here we see that verbal forgiveness is tied to verbal repentance. Matt 18:15-17 makes it clear that we cannot be fully reconciled to those who have not repented (otherwise we couldn’t follow the process described there).
It means that we will seek to maintain a forgiving spirit, and be ready to forgive any who ask us. But even more, it means that we so long to extend forgiveness we will pray for it, we will seek out the offender and take steps which are aimed at bringing them to repentance.
But someone will object: ‘Why should I do it? They sinned, they should come to me!’ Yes they should, but in answer: (1) Aren’t you glad God didn’t wait for you, for you would never have come! (2) Because God says so! (3) In this command there is great wisdom. The offender may not even know of their sin. You may have misconstrued their action and unless you go to them the air will never be cleared.
Others will object: ‘How can I forgive someone who hasn’t repented?’ It is true that God does not forgive without repentance. Yet for many this is but a self-justification for doing nothing to encourage then to seek forgiveness. What they are really saying is ‘I don’t want to forgive them unless they convince me!’ But Jesus says we cannot hide and rest behind their lack of repentance, we are to lead them to repentance so that they would pursue forgiveness. That’s what God does even in His children (Heb 12:3ff). Forgiveness should be sought even when it is not sought.
Some say they will when my faith is stronger. The disciples used this objection in Luke 17:5, “Increase our faith.” Jesus told them about the tiny mustard seed – you don’t need greater faith, use the faith you have.
Yet others ask – ‘But how often do I have to do it?’ If “seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him” (Lk 17:4). That is, effectively each is a first time. Also Jesus doesn’t allow us to look for fruit before we forgive. That is something we place before them on the basis of our forgiveness (Lk 3:8), remembering fruit takes time and encouragement.
Indeed, our pursuit must be such that we assure them of our forgiveness. God of course repeatedly does this throughout the Bible, and by the ministry of the Holy Spirit. So it is of no surprise that in 2 Cor 2:5-8 we read concerning one who was repentant: “rather forgive and comfort, lest somehow such a one be overwhelmed with excessive sorrow … reaffirm your love for them.” this s to be genuine and not in word only. This also means that were to encourage the development of trust. Yes we need to realize that forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Prov 14:15 tells us “the naïve believes everything”. Don’t be naïve, yet working towards reconciliation, including building trust and even overcoming and facing the consequences of sin, is what we must also give ourselves to if we are to “comfort”.
But if we are to forgive one another surely it requires certain other things also. Do not provoke each other to offend. It is not enough for me to say ‘I can’t help it if he is short tempered.’ True, but because you know your brother’s weakness in certain areas you are required by love to help him avoid those sins. Losing his temper maybe your brother’s sin, but irritating him so that it is no surprise that he did is yours. If you have been sinned against do not make more of it than you ought by exaggerating it; don’t publish it about as a gossip; and never directly or indirectly avenge yourselves. Don’t resist evil with evil.